Pay me back

If the god is really exists in this world,then please listen to me right now.
Mr God,please give me what should I have.
Since i struggle so hard,harder than others,harder than many many ppl...so..please pay me back!
I want you to pay back me accorrding what I have done.
Don tell me I am not qualified to get the pay.
If I am not qualified,then,so are them!
I can clearly remember her eyes
The moment when she staring at me and said : ada yang dulunya sangat baik,sekarang bukan saja menurun,malah terus fail!!!!
Can you imagine what I feel on the spot?
No,you cant feel
She even compare me with the bastard which always din study seriously..
If you want to compare,you are welcome
But...bastard please stay away from me...YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED YET!
( I am sorry to scold u bastard..because i m lost of control )
People can get what they want..but why i cant
I work hard for it..but why YOU din see it..and give a little praise'ment' for me?
At this moment,I hope I can get a call from my mum...and listen she comfort me..
like this : 不用紧，下次再努力一点。
I hope she was not staring at me..我希望一切都是我的错觉